Poetry and What not...

Black Eye of Silence

October is Domestic Violence Month, as such, this poem that encompasses so much of what the violence that happens every day to both women and men. Men tend not to report or complain about violence against them whether physical or mental. Perhaps because men are suppose to be stronger? The truth is that women experience the instance of violence in the home more often. Enough Said-I hope you understand where I am coming from and if you are a victim-you have the key to your freedom.

I wake -I cry- I mourn- I rage

I’m trapped in a cage of grief and helplessness

I see with one eye and call silently for help

I thought that it was love

Love doesn’t tear or cage or make you bleed

Then ask forgiveness

I am silent in my guilt and shame

I can’t see for he pummeled my self-esteem, my bones, my heart

He laughed to see me bleeding

I can’t see myself anymore, my fear keeps me closed up

I fear – I worry – I continue to find fault in myself

LOVE HURTS – they say –

I see the hate revolve closer and closer from the high

The high of the flowers of apology come closer and closer to mourning

This longing for safety, for understanding, for self-worth

The hurt of the bruise is raw and throbbing

The throbbing is not the eye’s blackness but the bruises inside

Those bruises linger much longer after the purple ends and pink begins

I tremble when he’s near and when he’s gone I long for him

My Knight has become my Torturer and back and forth it goes

I cry- I rage – I wake

I start all over again the Ferris-Wheel of punches and pushes and more

The life I once had can be no more

I wake in a fog and decide to save myself – my children

For they cry for me, they cry for him, they cry for love that they cannot see

For them it’s a world of purple and blue and red and tears and hurt and confusion

I seek and run – fright follows close behind

I see others like myself

A kinship I form through them-a shield

I breathe in relief

I heal – I see myself return from ashes stronger – better

I vow to help and not stay silent

I vow to help to destroy the myth that it was somehow my fault

Love doesn’t destroy, or make you bleed, or make you afraid

Love builds and Love heals

I will no longer be his prisoner, his punching bag-

No longer will I ride on this Ferris-Wheel of abuse

I take the golden ring and jump to safety and leave him behind

I find myself again-stronger-better

c Lorelei Mcarthur (2018)

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